Prepartum depression

No, I am not pregnant, I CAN'T have anymore kids.  I have been struggling with writing about this.  It's kinda embarrassing.  My two pregnancies where very different.  One would think that you would get depressed for being single, living in someones car while pregnant.  Nope, not me!  I was married just moved to a great city (Louisville).  But not too long after moving to L'ville, something changed!  Well, a
lot changed. But something inside changed.  Before I was even due, I would lay in the floor and cry! I know can you imagine a big fat pregnant woman rolling in the floor crying?  I even told my doctor about it.  I guess it was the way I said it but he just laughed and reassured me the baby would be out before long.

He was right, he even moved up my due date by a week.  So when I came home I thought everything (inside) would go back to normal and I would be happy-go-lucky as before.  Not so much, in fact, not at all.  I never wanted to harm my child or myself, I just wanted my life to go away.  It didn't help that George had colic, and I didn't have a friend in a 2 state radius.  So I felt stuck, in a life with this baby that cried 24/7.  I remember  driving around at night, leaving around 10pm and coming home around 6am, so that Brian could sleep.  I was so ashamed that I didn't even talk to Brian about it.  But I have told a few people how I packed George's bag and when Brian got home I was going to go drop him off at the nearest fire station.  As funny as it is, it is very true.  I don't think their is a Mom out there that wants to admit that they ever felt that way about A CHILD, but for it to be your child is worse.  I thought that I was a monster!  Who thinks like that, and actually packs their child's bag!

Somethings I can't explain and pre or post partum depression in one of those.  Even after George got over the colic (18+ months).  I had to deal with the depression state.  He is now 4 and there is not a day that goes by that I am glad I didn't drop him off at the fire station!

Buying Crack for Jesus

I can say that I have never given till it hurts, you know I have never gone without so that someone truly in need could have.  This is as close as I have gotten.  We don't live on a huge budget.  Sometimes I have to save or set aside money for a while to get what I want/need.  shhh! I hide the money in my wallet! I had less the 50 dollars saved but no sure of the amount.

George and I were our running errands yesterday, and there in front of me, in my personal space, was a man that was trying to communicate with me but was deaf.  It was obvious that he needed money, and a bath, among other things.  I did a quick search of my heart, what is this man all about, looking him over I reached into my purse pulled out my wallet and gave.  I gave every dollar I had, I held nothing back.  Which is hard for me, I hoard money away from my husband. Yes I hoard it. Hey at least it is not cats, right?  So each dollar was like my "cat child" that I have been hoarding.  I just let it go!  I almost broke out in a sweat, not because of who I was giving it to but because I had worked so hard at hoarding it.

I know you shouldn't give money, you should give time, you can buy food and bring it.  Bring them clothes shoes, but you should never give money.  whatever  I did it.  I prayed over that money as it was walking away from me. God, I want that money to be used, for good, not for evil. Draw this man near to you, hold him, whisper to him that you love him and you are his father.
Ok, so then it hit me, well maybe, I just gave him enough to buy some crack! AHHH! Who knows I can't go with him to see what he uses it for.  But I don't want to watch the news and hear a story of a man that was given money by people of the community to buy drugs, and now is over dosed and is dead. Another John Doe.  So my prayer quickly took a sharp turn. Lord, if he buys crack (or any other drug) may it be the crack that brings him to you! May he it the bottom, so he can start to climb back up!

I will have to start my hoarding aging.  I was saving to get my oil changed in my car. That is okay. My car can wait, Heaven can't wait, lost souls can't wait!

 

wonderful Wednesday!woohoo

It starts out, taking CJ to school then coming home to get George and I ready.  We got back to the school before 10am. There was a tornado drill..everyone in position! Time for buses to load. CJ had to ride with me because they have no AED's on the bus and the school only has one!  So if I couldn't go on the field trip then CJ wouldn't be able to go! (isn't that discrimination?) So we get to UNOH and tour the campus, had I known this I might not have wore heels.  Carrying George and a 10 lbs. AED is not fun.  Plus it was cold! ewww.  Then it was across the street to the event hall for an etiquette banquet. I had to sit by George, who knocked over his salad and then started licking the ranch off the table.  Now he has never done that at home, so why when we have to behave does this happen? After lunch we took CJ back to school.

Next was nap time. Up early to pick CJ up from school, Wednesdays are half days.  Office Depot was next. CJ decided she loved the store.  After getting the supplies we needed it was back home.  CJ then took a quick walk around the block to collect caned goods for a local charity that feeds people in the community.  Back in the car 30mins. later to go to 2 school, first an Arts Magnet School, the across town to the Sci-Tech magnet school.  We had to tour both in under 3 hours. Back home! By this time it was dinner and nothing was ready so the Chinese Restaurant.  We ordered 3 meals for 4 people and some how took home 3 meals...gotta love Chinese.  Home again! Bed, bath, and beyond. Oh! and I tried to hook up my printer and well my Mac doesn't have word and I can't find a word that is old enough to run on the format. The Pc's hardrive doesn't work so I can't download anything with a disk, but it does have word.  My night ended in frustration, Thank you technology!

George-isms

George is full of crazy stuff, I think know it is in his blood. George told me that his lipstick was cold. Meaning my chap stick is minty. G: is that guy a police he has a mooshtasch? Meaning everyone that has a mustache must be a cop, even the girl he had a play date with since she had a fake mustache she must be a part time cop.

Everyday or hour George is someone else. Here is a short list, Dark Vader,  Anakin Skywalker, Batman, Joker, Spider man, George the monkey, police officer, Indiana Jones, Joker's henchmen, Storm trooper, Mr. Alligator (Albert), Power Rangers, Chowder, a robot from the future, Big Boy (the restaurant mascot), the mountains at Grandma's house is Sautee, ect.

Today I caught him dancing, holding my cell phone, when I asked him what he was dancing too, It was no surprise that it made no sense. He was dancing to Angry Birds?!  I have also been trying to teach him to read, but he has the attentions span of a flea and we have been on lesson one for a week!

This past week he got some new Batman under roos and insisted they are short, they are the big under roos with the pocket, that he learned how to use the slit, so he won't be wearing those shorts outside EVER!  It is a good thing it is too cold still to wear shorts, or we would be having a melt down.

AHH, and that's my BOY!

The Book is The Reading Lesson
By: Michael Levin, M.D.
      Charan Langton, M.S.

Oh, Mother Mary!

Yesterday ChloeJace went to St. Rose of Lima...OH. Getting in just as the bell rang, it was her shadow day.  She got to spend the whole day acting as if she was a student of St. Rose.  This was a test to see if it would be a better fit, as a school for next year.

I always thought of how I would love to send my children to a private, Catholic school. However I am not wealthy(by U. S standards) and this school is pricey. Not to bad so I am not complaining. ChloeJace is now in and has always been in public schools.  We have been very blessed, Cleveland, GA., Newnan, GA., Louisville, KY., Mount Washington, KY., had good schools.  Of course that is all relative.  The teachers where kind and loving.  The type of teachers that you want to go back to every year to see.  Lima City schools have been a culture shock.  That is not what I expected.  Like most people before moving to the area I asked about schools.  Here is where I went wrong; ChloeJace was in elementary school, 5th grade, here 5th grade is middle school!  Lima City schools are not all bad, I guess the elementary schools are good.  Middle school is a whole different game.  They do wear school uniforms, but the dress code is not strict enough. The school is failing! Not just with the dress code. 75% of ChloeJace's class is failing.  Did you get that 75% of 5th graders are failing!!  What THE dog snot is going on??
I don't want to get political but and I know the parents are just as much to blame as the school! This is totally to acceptable.  This area is not wealthy, or affluent but that is no excuse! The state of Ohio has made a voucher system, if you attend a school that is on "Academic Emergency" meaning they have not made state or federal standards for at least 3 years.  You've got to be pulling on my leg! You can get a voucher that you can use to attend a school (public or private) that is not in "academic emergency".

ChloeJace would make her class at St. Rose have a total of 10 kids.!! Yup, talk about more one on one time!  She will get church time, religious ed.  I know there are a lot of opinions about the Catholic church.  When you get a group of sinner together what do you expect?  Not saying it is acceptable, I just think that the media put special attention on the Catholic church.  I know and have hear of plenty of horrible things going on at (insert denomination here).  Will you pray with us, that God will provide us with the funds that it will take to cover the added expense.  ChloeJace has been being bullied at her school now, and this Mommy is a momma bear! Leave my Cub alone.

Shadow day went Great!  We have peace that this is where ChloeJace needs to be.

From SCAA!WoW

WASHINGTON , DC , March 8, 2011 – According to the Sudden Cardiac Arrest Association (SCAA), sudden cardiac arrest (SCA) kills nearly 300,000 Americans each year, which equates to approximately 1,000 people a day. The occurrence of SCA in youth is especially traumatic and rare; however, SCA afflicts people of all ages, races, gender and even those in seemingly good physical health.

SCA is an electrical disruption of the heart’s natural rhythm, in which the heart stops beating altogether and is not the same as a “heart attack” in which one or more of the heart’s main blood vessels becomes blocked, preventing blood from reaching the heart, Most often SCA strikes suddenly and without warning, causing victims to collapse and become unconscious whereas “heart attack” patients typically experience chest pain and remain conscious.

Statistics on SCA are not exact, since SCA currently is not widely recognized as a formal reportable condition. Though several attempts have been made over the past few decades to establish a reporting structure, sadly there still is no mandatory nationwide reporting system that routinely captures SCA incidence and outcomes. We do however know that:

• between 5,000-7,000 youth in the United States die from SCA each year
• over 3,000 adolescents and young adults (age 14-24) experience cardiovascular-related death per year
• every three days, a young competitive athlete suffers SCA
• over 64 percent of young athletes (and others) survived SCA if it occurred in a high school with an AED program

The only way to survive SCA is through cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) and the use of an automated external defibrillator (AED), yet sadly, 95 percent of victims do not survive because most SCA occurrences are not witnessed and/or urgent medical care could not be provided in a timely fashion. Therefore, AEDs need to be available in public places and bystanders need to know CPR, how to use an AED and be willing to intervene. Schools and sporting venues should develop a written Emergency Response Plan addressing SCA. Such plans must include the following key elements:

• training of likely first responders (i.e. coaches, athletic trainers, teachers and administrators) in CPR/AED and how to recognize SCA, as the condition is often initially misdiagnosed due to brief seizure-like activity, delaying effective treatment. 
• defibrillation to be administered in under three minutes from the moment of collapse for optimal response.

Parents and educators should be concerned that sudden cardiac arrest is a serious public health crisis and know that preventive measures can be taken to identify individuals at risk. Conducting a comprehensive personal and family medical history is helpful, as is the inclusion of an electrocardiogram (ECG) in screening procedures of athletes that may detect potentially lethal cardiac disorders.

In the meantime, AEDs can be deployed in public locations in communities across the country – schools, churches, shopping malls or other large gathering places. Medical and patient-advocacy organizations have long promoted placement of AEDs in public settings as a means to increase the likelihood of SCA survival. A study in the January 26, 2011 issue of the New England Journal of Medicine proved that publicly accessible defibrillation works, as 60 percent of people who suffered a witnessed SCA in public places had shockable heart rhythms, compared to 35 percent of people who may have benefited from an AED while experiencing SCA at home.

SCAA fully supports efforts to require the installation of AEDs at schools nationwide. For educational resources and materials to deploy AEDs in schools, visit www.suddencardiacarrest.org.

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About the Sudden Cardiac Arrest Association

SCAA is the nation’s largest nonprofit advocacy organization dedicated to increasing awareness and prevention of sudden cardiac arrest. For more information, please visit www.suddencardiacarrest.org.

Motherless Children

I have a mother now, but that hasn't always been the case. I also have a belly mom. My belly mom died when I was 3. It is all hear say, since I was not old enough to remember. This is how it went down.

My father was in the navy and stationed away from home. That left my mom with my brother 7, sister 5, and me 3. One night in September my Mom and her brother decided they would go out. My grandmother was to watch us. Well, on the way into town about a 5 mile drive there is an intersection, this intersection come from the lake. A care hit her car spinning her into the oncoming traffic lane, going toward the lake, just on the wrong side of the road. Also near by is a National Guard training station. Most of the time lakes lead to drinking and this September night was just that for a few of the Guards men, and I can't blame them for that. However,we all know that drinking and driving don't go together! Even the drunk driving will tell you that they would never drive drunk! Don't believe me watch cops.

So at this intersection the two cars meet. The police officer that came out was a new cop. Night was now falling as the office was doing her investigation. Nobody was hurt, so I guess just a lot of taking information. The officer was in the process of getting my Mom's information. Since it was dark they leaned over my mother's car to use the headlights to see. So down the road comes the Guards men that had been at the lake. The officer made a quick decision to get out of the way. My mother did not see the car, blinded my the light from her headlights she could not see lights coming toward her. That was the second accident of the night, my Mother in front of her car, with this other car. I will not go into detail, but she, had one leg that she would have never been able to use again, and other injuries.  The ambulance was called and for whatever reason did not come out when they should have. My Mom did make it to the hospital that night, I don't know if she was D. O. A. or not but I guess that doesn't matter.

That night before I was able to understand the life changing event that took place, I was a motherless daughter, I would become a motherless mother. My whole life has been shaped my this single night.

I have had 2 pictures of my Mother up until this week. I received more via email. And again I am left to wonder, what her voice sounded like, what a hug felt like, how did she smell, a touch from her hand. I could go on, but if you have a Mother you have never thought of those things. I don't know why my Mother's time was up. I do know that God is so much bigger than I am even if he told me I would not get it.