First Rodeo

OK, so not a rodeo, more like a roller coaster. Let me just say that I like most people went into my first marriage with the best of intentions.  I was a little misled.  My goal after having ChloeJace, at 17 was to then make sure I found her the best father I could.  ChloeJace's dad was not in her life. And not the kind of not in her life that, the father lives down the road and only comes to see the child when he wants.  What I mean is not at all. He did come to see her once when she was just a few weeks old. He never even called! Not even once. So I had a job, a goal! To make my broken family into a real family. I will refer to my ex husband as (Mr.)
I met Mr. when I was pregnant with ChloeJace. He had asked me out a few times, but he asked out everyone, that and he was older then me and it kinda freaked me out.  I had ChloeJace on Mr.'s birthday and Mr. helped me out by giving me a job washing dishes. One day Mr. asked me out again, and I said sure. My thought process at the time was that it would be practice, practice leaving my child.  Mr. was really good   GREAT with ChloeJace. Mr. was someone I could put up with, we worked together after all, and he had real love for my child.  Even at that age I knew that you don't get that all the time. Dads all over don't care for their own children as much as Mr. cared for ChloeJace.
So we made plans for a wedding. I wasn't that much into it because growing up I wasn't one of those girls that dream about my wedding day. I wanted something private and simple, I thought a Disney Cruise would be perfect. Mr. thought that if we did something like that I would regret it. So we had a guest list of over 400 people. My list had 10 people on it. I think Rose from Titanic said it best when she said she felt as though she was in the middle of a room screaming and nobody could hear, the inertia of my life plunging forward and me powerless to stop it. I wasn't powerless though, I thought that was the sacrifice I must make for my child.  After all I owed to my child my life. Mr. was not a bad or mean man, and I loved him...like I love my friends, or my pet goldfish. Little did I know that at that time (the day of our wedding) our bridal party was making bets on if either of us would actually go through with it and how long it would last.
Less than 3 months into it, it was over. He came home one night. A home we had just moved into that we were planning on buying, a home that he had gone out and bought all new furniture for. Some friends of ours didn't understand why I was not happy about him going out without my knowledge and coming back with all new furniture. Mr. came home one night grabbed a duffel bag filled it up and left. On his way out he told me he was leaving...leaving me...leaving the child that he loved so dear. He returned 3 days later with divorce papers without protest I signed them. My dress was not back from the cleaners yet! We still had gifts to go through.
He then closed the business where we worked, took or sold what he wanted and left. I could not pay the rent since I didn't have a job. I was left to pick up the pieces of what he broke. At the time we got married just weeks before, I was unaware that he was addicted to gambling and pornography. He made no attempt to stop or control rumors about what had happened. I didn't even know what had happened. He even feed into the rumors to keep the focus off himself. He didn't want to be outted for what he was. I also know that I am not the victim we married knowing we were not in love. That is my fault. The only good thing Mr. ever did was leave me. Without the presence of physical abuse I would have stayed forever!
Divorce seems to be everywhere. I hear all the time of people that were in love that are now in the process divorcing.  I know God does not approve of divorce.
 Mathew 5:33 Again, you have heard that if it was said the the people long ago, Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.

I am sharing this not to just tell my side of the story because I could go on for pages. I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was to sacrifice for my child. I allowed the guilt of not having a father for my child allow me to make a bad choice. Everyday we have choices. I did not seek wisdom, I did not turn to God an allow him to show me the way. When we make choices based on emotion we are just reacting. My prayer for my readers is that you don't allow guilt, fear,or your own agendas guide your decision making. Just because the intentions are good.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

If We Are the Body?

Recently I have been looking for a home church.  I have been thinking of past churches and communities that we have been in. Each one being very different from the last, this would be the most different. It has made me think "what is church" what is community" "what is it to be the body of Christ"??? I don't know if this will go over well with my reader(s), but here is what I have come up with.  Let me just say that most of this is a reflection inside of me things that I know I am guilty of.

When we say we are the body of Christ, it seems to me that we are under our own church roof.  We set up and establish programs for the church ( which is good I am not knocking that at all).  Programs like Youth Ministry, but we only reach out to the youth in our church.  We also have a person set aside to go to the hospital and pray for people, most of the time only it is if someone from our church is in the hospital or someone from the church has asked us to see a friend or relative.  I have been to the hospital to many times and know that there are always floors of people that are there not to mention they people that work there. Who is reaching out to them? I know there is a Chaplin but, if we are the body why aren't we moving, why are we putting it off on others. Why do we care if there is rejection from someone. Why are we not trying to reach out. We have all kinds of ministries but we only seem to reach out to those that reach to us first.

We say we are a community, but when was the last time that churches in a community came together to do something for the community. We all stick with just our home church, those people and those functions. Sure we invite people to go to church. But it is ussaly to our church. There are plenty of churches, does it really matter what church they go to? Isn't the goal not to grow our church but to grow the body of Christ? Yet I have never heard, nor have I asked someone what church they might want to go to. I stick with my comfort zone. After all what would people say if I was seen at the church across town!?

When we have someone that is not a "friend" yet we know them and talk to them.  We don't talk to them about Christ because we don't know how they feel about it, we aren't that close to them so we just don't go there. Aren't these the people we need to be reaching out to?

What is it to be a christian and call ourselves the body of Christ if we only stick together, if we only do what we are comfortable with. Why are we not taking chances? Is our faith really that small that, we don't think God can use us outside of our church? When was the last time you saw a new face at church, did you talk to them did you interact with them? Have we ever dared to take someone to church other than our own?

If you read my blogs, you will know that I am a sinner, I have issues with vanity, I can be a failure, I mess up. One thing I don't want to do is turn people off to Christ because, I say I am part of the body of Christ, that I strive for a better community, but only when I feel comfortable doing so.

If I ignor it, it won't happen to me!

Looking at my FB wall you will see lots of posts about Sudden Cardiac Death. I had only heard of it once before it became real in my life. Since I has never heard of it, it most not be that bad. Besides nobody in my family had any condition similar to whatever sudden cardiac death, not to mention that is what happens to old people. Right?...Well not so much.

It was late fall of 2008, things were crazy, Brian had just had two strokes, I was working full time taking care of the kids and doing my best to be a support of wife. Out of nowhere I get a call ChloeJace's biological father had been exercising and his heart stopped.  There was a quick response with CPR and an AED. He was shocked 4 times before they got a pulse. He was transported to the hospital and placed in surgery. At the age of 29 he had to have a pacemaker and defibrillator.  I thought those were only for old people. I know that 70% or people that are resuscitated don't leave the hospital.

From this the doctors were able to tell that ChloeJace's dad had a genetic condition that was called Long QT Syndrome.

Image

Prolonged Q-T interval

Definition from the Mayo Clinic:

Long QT syndrome (LQTS) is a heart rhythm disorder that can potentially cause fast, chaotic heartbeats. These rapid heartbeats may trigger a sudden fainting spell or seizure. In some cases, your heart may beat erratically for so long that it can cause sudden death.
You can be born with a genetic mutation that puts you at risk of long QT syndrome. In addition, certain medications and medical conditions may cause long QT syndrome.
Long QT syndrome is treatable. You may need to limit your physical activity, avoid medications known to cause prolonged Q-T intervals or take medications to prevent a chaotic heart rhythm. Some people with long QT syndrome need surgery or an implantable device.

ChloeJace was on several of the medications that can cause LQTS and she had a condition that could also cause it (from the brain tumor and surgery).  Knowing that she could have it we went to our doctor that did some tests(no sign of LQTS) and sent us to a pediatric cardiologist. There they did more tests (she may be borderline).  Oh, and when they say it is borderline, they should just say we don't know! So we were then sent to a pediatric electrophysiologist.  To get a diagnosis we had to undergo genetic testing. You can't imagine how much it costs to take one vial of blood. Six to eight weeks later we got the results, yes she did have LQTS.  That means no exercise, or competitive sports, no swimming, biking, running. No sudden startle or shock to the system. Let's not talk about how she should not have had surgery or been put under without clearance for a EP.  That just shows that God has other plans for her. To think anytime she was out playing she could have collapsed and died. I won't go there with all the what if's and could haves'.  We have been in the process of getting our own AED, for 6 months now. ChloeJace takes medication every night that she will be on for the rest of her life. The medicine does not mean that she won't ever have an incident. They wait until you have to use an AED to bring your loved one back before they will do surgery (insurance reasons).

Please don't over look the fact that it won't happen or that their is no history of it. We were told ChloeJace was borderline, and only the bank breaking test to confirm. Don't wait for someone to die, to do anything. YOU can become CPR certified and learn how to use an AED. YOU can demand life saving AED's to be placed at camp, schools, churches and other gathering places. The average EMS time vary. Within 4-6 mins. brain damage can occur, and the likely hood of getting a pulse diminishes greatly! What you don't know can hurt you. I know God's plan for ChloeJace is much greater. I also believe that God has given us an opportunity to help save lives.

Note: If ChloeJace's dad had died we would not know that she would need to be tested. After the electrical beat stops you cannot test, except genetic testing. It would have been another case of man dies of sudden cardiac arrest. I don't think that considering the cost of the genetic test that they would do that on a dead person. Next time you hear football player collapes and dies on field, you will know that the school did not have an AED close with people trained on how to use it. And you can assume that the child has some kind of condition that the family didn't know was in there genetics.

A book for everything

Lately I have been thinking about timing. The timing in my children's questions, my answers and such. I good with bad timing! If you know me you know I can say the wrong thing at just the right err.. wrong time. I do not that God gives us times, during the day just the right moment to talk to our children about stuff. Also for them to talk to us. I don't want to miss that. Those special times can be scary. Very, very, scary. Not just getting the time and not missing out, but having having the right thing to say, the right response.

Now that ChloeJace is older there are a lot of girl questions.  There is also a lot of things she needs to know before they happen.  Growing up without a mother, lots of times in my life I found nowhere to turn, no one to turn too. I don't want that for my child. We got a book a few years ago. "American Girl All about You!" We would sit together and read it. There were things in there I didn't know.

I also see that with friends and school. Many Children don't know, alot. Not only about their bodies, but also manners and etiquet. I think everyone wants things better for their children. So to be better she must know more! Right?  Just because I am faaar from a lady doesn't mean that she shouldn't know how to act, eat, walk, talk. I would much rather people say "that" is her mother...  Than people say omgosh it is like watching the female version of Dumb and Dumber.

So what do others do? How do you confront those hard conversation with your children? How do you use everyday life as a teaching plateau? How do you inject God into situations that are other wise not of God?

As my children grow these questions get harder. The teaching become more important. So if you are like me and want "more" for your children but you were not raised by the King and Queen here are some books that we love.

How to be a lady.How to be a gentleman.
365 days of manners. This is also good it give you things you can do together ie. how to eat an artichoke.  They tell you how to pick one, cook it and eat it. ChloeJace loved helping do all that so when it came time to eat it she actually enjoyed it.

When it comes to question about God  after praying and turning to my bible. If I can not answer her question (oh yeah if you think you could answer some of her question I will let her call you!) and the old call your Nanny still leaves questions. Try these books.

The Case for a Creator.
The Case for Faith.

I would love to hear what you would recommend or suggest. What it is that you do.

It started with a handshake

This is my Mom's guest post that followed my post! adopted at 27

Guest Post: It started with a handshake

Two weeks ago we got to hear from Jennifer who shared her sweet story of being adopted at age 27. I am excited for Jennifer because she is a fairly new writer of her thoughts. It has not been easy going through the things she has gone through. She has only scratched the surface with some of her most recent blog posts and going back and reliving some of the difficult things she has been writing about is not an easy process. I admire her for sharing openly with us and with her blog readers as well. So Jenn…..thanks for starting the sometimes difficult task of writing. You share your life well.
What I’m really excited about today is that Jenn’s adoptive Mom, Liz Clark, will be sharing with us. I won’t say much other than this is a woman I love dearly. She has influenced my life in many ways. She and her husband,Bob,were in our church plant back in Georgia for many years. They are that fun, semi-older couple that don’t let “older” get in the way of anything. As in they both ride motorcycles and wear leathers. And they dressed up for my Grand Opening Wal Mart Wacko party a few years ago. They are the  most fun people with incredible amounts of wisdom. They love God and they listen to Him. Here’s just one example of how they heard from God and acted. You will be encouraged!

And, it started with a hand shake……



Bob and I had raised our five children; he has two amazing sons, and I have three awesome children, two daughters and a son. Bob and I retired from our jobs in Florida and knew we wanted a cooler climate in which to live out our days. It seemed a random choice at the time, but little did we know how GOD’s hand was guiding our decision.
Moving to the mountains of North Georgia was almost magic (for the lack of a better word) for me! It was a dream come true. Every new morning I still arise, go out onto our back deck, and just stare at the Appalachian Mountains I feel I can almost reach out to touch. The view never seems to look the same from hour to hour with clouds floating by, or mist to veil their deep valleys, and then I drink in the crisp morning air and whisper, “Thank You, dear Daddy for giving me such beauty.” Yes, moving here was wonderful, but there was more to come our way.
Bob and I found a local church to call “home” and we thoroughly enjoyed the people we met. In fact, some of the members we met back in 1996 remain our dearest friends. For a time, a number of us even met for lunch - EVERY single day - at a local cafe down in town. It was a fun gathering place and a really fun season. Not only did we enjoy eating with our friends, but we enjoyed getting to know the young women who served us. Jennifer A. was one of the young ladies who wove her way into our hearts, and she became a friend as well.
One Sunday, Jennifer A. greeted us just after the service and wanted to introduce us to her dear friend, also a Jennifer.  We shook Jennifer’s reluctant hand. At the time, there seemed to be nothing remarkable or “Divine” about this introduction. Jennifer was quiet, seemed a bit out of her comfort zone in this church setting, and listened to the conversations going back and forth among church members.
Soon, Jenn was also working at the local restaurant and would take our lunch orders. Jenn was efficient and polite, but not engaging. I remember Bob’s impression of her was that she was a young teen who was pregnant and seemed angry about the world in general. She had no glow or joy about her at all. We knew little about Jenn’s life at the time, just that she was 17, pregnant and trying really hard to earn enough money to support the new child she would be delivering within a few months.
Bob and I began to pray for this young lady. We asked if it was the LORD’s will, that we might be given inroads and open doors into this young woman’s heart that seemed so walled up and impenetrable. We had no “master plan” nor did we see Jenn as some sort of “spiritual project”. We simply understood that one of our gifts from GOD was the ability to relate to younger people, and if any young person ever needed some older friends, it was this young lady.
After several months of feeding us, Jenn began responding to our questions about how she was doing. We didn’t invade with private stuff, but we were sincerely interested in Jenn’s life and apparently she felt that and began to lighten up and engage in conversation. What we did not know before, was what an INCREDIBLE intellect and edgy humor Jenn possessed. Within a few months, Jenn had us laughing until tears flowed. Her spin on everyday situations should be bottled up and poured out onto the pages of a book, for her divergent perspective on life is amazing and refreshing.
We learned that Jenn was in the hospital to deliver her daughter and we were there for a visit. By this time, Jenn had become more than just a server at our local eatery, she had become our friend. Now, we were not only enjoying Jennifer at lunches, but also over private dinners, or visits to her home to enjoy her new daughter, ChloeJace.
It seemed only natural for Bob and I to respond to those calls for prayer or for counsel and comfort when ChloeJace was ill and her young mommy needed a soft place to land. We not only shared Jenn’s good times, but we also shared in her sorrows. We simply showed up. At times, we had no fancy words to offer, or solutions to problems, we just were “there” for Jenn ... our presence was enough.
That was almost eleven years ago. I reflect back upon our seemingly unremarkable first meeting with Jennifer and marvel at the fingerprints of GOD all over that moment. We went from uncomfortable hugs Jenn “hated” at the time but endured, to extravagant love poured out onto us from this young woman. Residing deep within this girl’s heart was an ocean of love just waiting to break forth. Chloe was the key, Jesus was the Door, and we have become the benefactors of this amazing young woman’s love for us. We know Jenn’s love for us is authentic, accepting, and unconditional.
In October of 2009, Papa and Nanny drove from Northeast Georgia to Kentucky to celebrate George’s third birthday. Yes, ChloeJace not only has a mommy but now she has a daddy and a little brother. It was at this time I knew I needed to ask Jennifer a question the LORD had stirring inside of me for several years. It seemed crazy and totally unorthodox when I first felt this nudge to pursue it, but I stood up in front of Jenn and ask: “Jenn, we’ve played all around this for a few years now. We played “family”. Papa and I are in every way imaginable, ChloeJace and George’s grandparents. What would you think if we made this a legal family? We would like to officially and legally adopt you.” Jenn’s answer was with lightning speed. “Yes!! Of course!!”
We hugged and I mean we REALLY hugged. No more “plastic hugs” as I call them ... you know the kind ... not really authentic and free and childlike. I love when people feel safe enough to really hug from their insides out!
In December, Christmas week, the papers were finalized and the gift Bob and I received in the Autumn of Our Days was another daughter:  Jennifer Leah Clark-Dalpe.
As I reflect back upon that incredible FIRST of many “firsts” in my life, I looked down into the face of my firstborn child, Laura Catherine. I thought I could not possibly ever love another child as much as she. “How could I possibly be able to love any other child when I love this one with all that is within me?” Then, something miraculous took place and GOD gave me a baby boy. I had this INCREDIBLE love for Anthony Edward that I didn’t know I could ever possess, but I did. It was revelatory! More love ... and when Laura was five and Tony was three, Marie Elizabeth entered my heart. She was meant to be my daughter, too. She was four years old when my first husband and I adopted her. I began to realize that the more love I give, the move love is given back into my heart by GOD. It can never run out!
Jennifer did not NEED us as parents. She is an amazing self-sufficient, competent, confident and capable woman. Yet, Jenn WANTED to identify with our family in a permanent way. It is a fine line we must walk when such a serious decision is made about adopting. We must check our motives and be sure they are not driven by dysfunction or unhealthy and unmet needs. Our decision to have Jennifer wear our name and be our legal daughter was done over much time, with much prayer, and with internal self checks to strip away anything that might hurt this young lady and her children later on. GOD was Counselor and Guide, and I thank Him for giving us insights and answers as we needed along this journey.
Father, how You continue to amaze me! Thank You that You have given our hearts an endless supply of love for others. Thank You for the unexpected and surprises in our Golden years of life. Thank you that loving Jennifer back when she was a young, scared and lonely teenager, now is a gift of love she so freely gives back to us.
Who would ever have guessed what GOD had in mind?  And, it all began with a handshake.

The thing that strikes me most in these words is this phrase: “We simply showed up. At times, we had no fancy words to offer, or solutions to problems, we just were “there” for Jenn ... our presence was enough.” My prayer is that I too will show up. That I will be present. That when God calls me to more than simply being interested in my “neighbor” and it involves sacrifice, that I would say Yes with a wide open heart.
How about you? Has God ever called you to something divinely deep? Maybe it started with something as small as a handshake but it ended up being something you could never have conjured up yourself.  I’d love to hear about it. God is always doing this kind of stuff around us and it’s inspiring.

A Confession of Failure!

When ChloeJace was born there was nothing major to recall, of the 24 hours and 50 mins. of labor. She was whisked away because she wasn't breathing. The drugs they gave me had crossed into her system. Some blow by oxygen and a shot of narcan she was fine. When the pediatrician was through checking her, he handed her to me and said "she is perfect." For the most part that was true, she had a her fingers and all her toes. Just a few weeks of her being at home she started having problems. She had reflux and needed to change to formula. That helped but not for long. At 28 days old ChloeJace was hospitalized for the first time. She was only in for a few days, but it seemed forever. I felt hopeless and as if somehow there was something that I should have done to prevent it. ChloeJace's problems didn't end there.

By the time she was 6 months old she was doing breathing treatments regularly, still had reflux problems, and now diagnosed with asthma. I did all that I knew to do. Although I was a very young mother, I did not let the doctors intimidate me. I am sure her pediatrician hated me. I had her in the office 2-3 times a week. If we weren't there we where at a specialist office, when something is wrong you just know.

I managed to keep a job washing dishes full time and going to school full time. I clearly recall leaving work to get her take her to the hospital and leave the E.D at 5 am to be at school by 6-am. then go back to work. The week of her first birthday she was hospitalized again with RSV... again. She missed her own birthday party! A month from then she was back in the hospital getting tubes in her ears. Six months of ear infections is about all anyone can stand, I can't imagine what it was like for her.

At this point she had seen about 4 different specialist. We had the reflux, asthma, allergies, ear infections all under control. It was very hard doing all this with out a partner, and with no real family to speak of around.

By the time ChloeJace was 3, things were going well, she was doing great! We only had to see the doctor if she was sick, besides regular check ups. Spring of that year 2003, I was 21, an adult now in those terms. She had started to have more problems, but we could not figure out what was going on. I brought her to daycare, I was holding her, for some reason she seemed very tired that day. No sooner did we get to her class and the vomiting started! So I just turned around and walked right back out the door. I took her to the doctor they could not find anything wrong. After a month into this she was hospitalized... again. The doctor was SURE she had meningitis, and we has been at Chuck E Cheese, recently so I thought it made sense. She was treated and released. Only to be back in the same pattern of getting sick and being lethargic.

ChloeJace went on to go on vacation thinking, she had been treated, for what she had, it just takes time to feel better. The doctor said kids her age didn't get headaches, but to do a LP would just be to painful and not necessary to confirm her meningitis.

She had been on vacation three days it was July 7, and I got a call saying she had fallen and hit her head. They would be taking her to the doctor. Being far away for your child when you know that they have to be at the doctor. She had been poked and prodded at her entire life, but I was always their with her.

So around midnight I got the call I had been waiting for, or so I thought. She was at the hospital and had been admitted. I was beside myself how could I not be there with her...for her. The voice on the other end of the phone started shaking, obviously in distress. I asked "what is it" through the tears and broken up words I heard "she has a tumor in her brain".............what, What,WHAT. The world stopped! I fell to my bedroom floors in tears. I could not speak. I could not move. Shattered, is the only word I can give.

I hung up the phone, and my fingers dialed a number they were programed to dial. "Hello," said the sweet, sleepy voice on the other end. I tried to talk. It hurt to try to speak, but nothing would come out. I was so helpless. I could not even ask for help! My mother "Liz" had breast cancer years before. To have to speak the word tumor to her, was much more that I could bear. I paused....."brain tumor" was all I said. It was all I needed to say. Shaking and sweaty, I start to pack because I know I need to go, don't know where or how, but I had to get to my baby. My parents where on their way to get me to take me to Atlanta to jump on a plain to Illinois. I got enough strength, to call a few others, that loved ChloeJace and I. But each time I had to say "it" was harder.

I had failed myself, by not getting my child the right treatment and diagnosis. I had failed her by not being there, I was the only thing she had known I was her life, how alone, and scared she most have been. I myself was scared, and alone. You she was my first love and the only constant "real" thing I had ever known. I had failed us.

That day was a beginning for us. But that night as I laid on my floor too upset to scream or cry, God picked me up and carried me! The story goes on, but before I get to that you have to know that their is not 3 sets of footprints, there will be only one. When God picked me up He already had ChloeJace "Love" in His arms.



Thank You God! Praise and Glory to you!

Teen Mom

Since my resolution this year doesn't include any exercise, we will take a quick jog down memory lane!

When I was seventeen, I was living in Pensacola, FL with my sister and her husband.  My sister was in training at the naval base there. She herself was only nineteen, so to be married and serving our country is a lot to take on, not to mention caring for her little sister.  She knew I was a handful, but she was very good at handling me.

I met and immediately fell in LLOOVVEE with a Marine. He was from Wichita, KS, and he was very different from me. But we just got each other. If you have ever met someone who “gets” you and you get him, then you understand what I am talking about. 

Well, it was just three months later when I found out that I was pregnant.  I was one of those people who really didn't think it could happen to me.  As dumb as that sounds, it is very true. 

My sister was finishing up at Pensacola Naval Air Station and getting ready to go to Cherry Point, SC. Just before that, we had a big fight, and as with fights involving most teen girls, we were not talking, and I had left. I packed all my belongings into a trunk, and hitched (I do mean hitch hiked) to where my boyfriend was working and living -- a car lot. My sister had to leave for Cherry Point  and I was staying in a camper on a car lot. We would shower with the hose used to wash cars.  

After a week or so, my boyfriend and his friend drove me to Cleveland, GA, and dropped me off at a friend's house. My friend had not told her parents that I was pregnant. After about two days they found out, and I could no longer stay there.  Don't worry, I had gone to the health department and gotten checked out and set up with a doctor. 

I went and stayed with another friend ... in the back of her Blazer. I would sneak into her grandmother's house where she lived to take showers. She would feed me and clean my clothes. 

But after a week or so of that, I found another friend! I know, it is getting a little crazy. This friend actually had a place where I could stay. She was 8 months pregnant and she and the dad were actually living together. She fed me and took care of me. But her baby was coming soon and I knew my time was limited.

When time came for my friend to go to the hospital and to have her baby, I called another friend and she said that I could come over. I had no way of getting there, so I walked 5 miles to her house. This friend was very excited that I was pregnant and wanted to help. She had not told her parents about it. We just took it one day at a time.  When she finally told her parents, they took it well, considering that she asked if I could stay the weekend and it had been over a week. I was seeing a doctor and my friend would go with me to all my appointments.  

I had a place to stay, eat, and shower! I could not get a job. I was on bed rest most of my pregnancy and because it was a high-risk pregnancy, so I could not work anyway. I took my vitamins and read all the baby books, like most pregnant women, except I was still just a kid. I was a very scared kid. 

Having another life inside of me with no means to care for myself, let alone another person was very scary, indeed. I have seen True T.V. I know what happens to young girls who hitch hike. Most people will not be able to relate to living on a car lot, or in the back of a car. My situation was defeating; I had a long way to go! 

I don't know what you would do if you were 17, alone and pregnant, without a home, job or car. I did not have parents to call to go running to for help. So I did the only thing I could, I let God carry me through! I did not deserve his Grace, but God granted it to me.

In January, after going past my due date, the doctors finally induced me. Twenty four hours and fifty minutes later I had my beautiful baby girl! She weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 21 1\2 inches long. I had gained fifty pounds, but never wore maternity clothes. When everyone else was at prom, I was taking care of my baby. Being a teen mom is not easy, and I would never recommend it.  

Yet, it is amazing for me to see now how God used it to get my attention and to change my life. I was on a path that was not godly and God was nowhere in sight. Also, after Season One of MY reality show, I did NOT get a paycheck or lots of adoring fans. What I DID get was better:  I got God! 

As I said before, when someone gets you and you get them, you just understand.

123 LIFT

Well, I am not doing this to shame or disrespect my husband in any way.  So why am I doing it??  To show how God gives us just what we need.  See we meet and married going on 5 years ago.  I was young and in school with a 5 year old. He had been with Ford Mo. CO. for 10 years, kinda a family thing his father had retired from Ford and moved his family from New York to  Michigan.  He had transferred in to ATL. from MI. to stay with Ford.

So when I was 7months pregnant and on full bed rest and we were told that we had to move (not to mention ChloeJace was about to start 1 grade that week and we had do to it to keep his job) to Louisville, KY.  I started packing and looking for a place to live. That is what a woman does, she picks up and leaves all that she knows for her family.  Brian had to work that whole week, and I only had 2 friends that could help us move!! SHOUT OUT!! TAMMY & CHUCK OWENS. Like I said school started that week, and we didn't even have a place to move to.  But we were packing up.

4ish years down the road.  We get another call!!! Time to move again. To Lima,OH.  You might ask yourself, where the heck is that!! Picture flat, cold, snow, Neil Armstrong!  This time we were told we would have plenty of time (i started packing right away) but they gave us a week again!  Thanks Ford.

Since the last time we moved, Brian has had 2 strokes, yes 2, he has type 1 diabetes.  And ChloeJace has a heart condition, that won't allow her to run, ride a bike, or have an alarm clock without the risk of sudden death. I am not being over dramatic either.  We have been told even with proper care and medication she can suddenly die and need a pacemaker and/or defibrillator, if they get her back.  Brian has always been in good shape, but we have 2 piano's and some solid wood furniture, you know like real stuff.  It had been in Brian's family since the 40's.

Getting to the point.  I am not on bed rest but the packing and the loading fell on me.  This time we didn't have friends that could come help.  Here it is waaiittt for it!
But God
knew years ago, that Brian would need someone with my kinda strength.  The strength to pick up and move.  But also the strength to PICK UP and MOVE!  Is it my choice no... I would like a moving company and to be moving to Hawaii.  Take a look at the things that are hard or that you just don't like, and Praise God!

Thank you God for knowing exactly what I need before I need it

6 weeks in

About 6 weeks ago, I got a call saying we might have to move! Well we are here so you know how it ended. But let me just say that when we first heard that it could happen fear and panic came over me.  Just the whole fear of not knowing what to expect.  The first thing I did was call my Mom and we prayed.  After that point I had peace.  God has given me times of great peace before so I know the feeling. That day I began packing! We have moved with Ford before, last time I was pregnant and on bed rest so already this move would be easier.  Just because I had peace doesn't mean that their were no bumps along the way.  We were given a week to move.  So right away I was on the hunt for a home, school.

That week went by fast. ChloeJace was still in school, and it was the week of Thanksgiving. George and I had to go up with Brain so we could find a home while ChloeJace stayed at a friends and went to school. George and I were doing well, we would get up around 7am and look at homes.  Well the dog started getting car sick, gross! I was doing alot of driving and turning around being in a new area it was tough to find our way.  Then the weather started to change it was getting, cold, ummmm it snowed.  I had not packed accordingly.  Then Brain let the dog out of the hotel by accident.  So she was gone, we had no place to live it was cold oh and then Brian started getting sick! Well we had to find a place to live because we had to move right after Thanksgiving.  Well God is always in control and the last day, the last house we looked at was the ONE.  So we went home Thanksgiving day, without our dog but we had a home!! Brian was sick the whole time, ChloeJace was with a friend doing Thanksgiving.  Oh, did I mention that it rained the whole way home.

So George and I want to Waffle House for Thanksgiving dinner. And everything that can go wrong during our move did. I went to pick up our truck, they didn't have it, or the car cart.  We had to drive across Louisville to pick up a truck!  While the piano movers were waiting at our home (they charge by the hour). I also didn't realize how different this move would be since Brian had his two strokes. We were to tired to leave that night, and it was pouring rain. The next day it rained the whole trip up.  When we got here it was cold and started snowing, moving down an icy ramp is not fun.  But we had to get everything off the truck, it had to be returned the next day.

ChloeJace went for her first day I school, would had gone in the previous day and toured and filled out all the paper work.  But shortly after I dropped her off I got a call saying I need to come pick her up.  Because of her heart condition they could not allow her to be at school. We set up a conference to get things ironed out on what she needed to be safe at school. She only got 2 days in before Christmas break.

Well, everything turned out!  We have been here we had a great Christmas, we went to Michigan and then back to Louisville, to get my car that had been sitting in a parking lot for a month.  Now we are gearing up for birthdays, 2 in January.

So, everything turned out just not in my time.  God already had the plans in place. From finding a place to live, on the last day, to getting ChloeJace into a school that will accept her condition and not make her an outcast.  God answered all the prayers, in just the right time. Thank you God for your timing and not mine.  Thank you for your perfect answers to my prayers.