So what is it to be a mom? Does nine months of being a house make you a mom. Giving someone 9 months that they will never remeber, that brings them into a world of not meant for them. A place that will never be there home? Or is it the person that gives you a home, food, clothes, emotional support, tough love? Does a Mom have to love the good, the bad, the ugly? When does a Mom become a Mom, the first sleepless night, the baby is up all night, the first day of school, or the first time the child cries out for Mommy.
Being an adult child is hard, or is it harder to be the adult to a child? When does pure love take the place of blood? Why do we decide to love the ones we do? Why do we accept those that are not like us? Why do we love the broken that we know we can't fix ?
If you have never been loved how can you love, how can you feel. If a child is not born to you how can you love them like your own child? Or is motherly instinct something we made up.
Jesus was not the son of Joseph, but Joseph was the father and God was the father. And he was just as much Gods son as he was Josephs son.
So at 27 I can be a mother and also get a mother. So I am a mother and a child, to my mother i want to always be a child, where as to my child I always want to be the mother.
Now in my actions and words I want to make my mother proud and think of what I would want my child to do or say. Sometimes what I do is not what I think a mother would want. So when I am up crying for my Mom is she up crying for me. Though I don't want her to ever feel an ounce of pain on mybehalfe, I hope she is crying for me and reaching out to hold me when I am crying for her.
However my Mom became my Mom, I can't imagine how she could/can love me. When I look at my children I can't imagine how I could not love them.
God gave me a Great Womb and a Great Mom I belive that my belly mom and my and my heart Mom, are differnt people, but somehow they are the same. It took a little bit of both to make me, and Gods way are not something that, here on earth I can make sense of, but God knew what he was doing. And how or why God gave me a mother at 27 I don't know and can't explaine. It was something I wanted for years, but was to affraid of rejection to ever say something. It was something I had felt for years but to say it, for it to be "offical" are feeling I cannot explain. For someone to ask me, to say they had talked about it and prayed about it. Was a shock and still is. For me it was just some kind of couping mechanisame I had made up to think I belong to a family, and to call them my family was pretend. To find out I wasn't just making things up, my pretend family was... is true. All I can say is that it is better than then any pretend story.
Love is not a story it is a song, the kind of song that brings tears of joy. On Christmas, Mothers day, her birthday, everyday that she is my Mother is worth more than any card, or present, there are no words that can say how wonderful it is to be my Mothers child! And to even try to express that to her, or tell her my love......this side of heavan just doesn't exsists. Someday God will show her, what her love is to me!
I can only Pray that someday I will be as wonderful as you, that I will make you as proud of me as I am to be your daughter. I guess I just never belived that I deserved a Mother as good as you.
I LOVE YOU.
