I am embarrassed to say, I have anxiety and I get panic attacks! There it is out. I know it is not Godly and not from or of God! That alone gives me anxiety! As a God fearing christian I know this has nothing to do with God, I am supposed to be in the world not of this world. I feel if people know my secret they will look down on me. I mean come on! I have good health, two kids, a boy and a girl, a husband that has worked at the same place for 17 years, we live in a decent house, we have health insurance, dental and vision, we have a dog that was a rescue, and I have got to stay home with my children. Who could ask for more?
But it is FEAR, False Evidence Appearing Real. And I know it is false. But what is "it". I am not sure, different things set my panic attacks off. The last one was at the dentist, in the chair, the office was full. I was getting anesthetic, she stuck the needle into my gums...everything went black, I started hyperventilating and crying. "you messed up I am blind, I'm blind!! Hello crazy! After the doctor having to stop work and rush to me, my sight slowly returned and they called my husband to come pick me up. So embarrassing!!They rescheduled my appointment, and gave me a prescription to fill and take 45 mins. before I come in again! I could have died of embarrassment right there!
Part of the reason it is so embarrassing is that you have no control! None! It feels as though the world stopped. When I have panic attacks, beside going blind, which for some reason I have to scream out, I sweat (gross, so much for clinical strength), and I shake.
It all started about 3 months after ChloeJace had brain surgery. Less then a year later ChloeJace, with the help of her grandmother, asked Jesus to come into her heart.
So maybe I am crazy, certifiably nuts, or maybe I had to be so strong for so long that this is the only way to stop me or slow me down for a while. I don't know, but I know I can still praise God! Even when I am blind. I had a panic attack today, and tonight George came to me and asked how he can have Jesus in his heart forever! This has been a great day! I have prayed for this day since before George was born. Tonight with ChloeJace, myself and his grandmother, Elizabeth Clark, George accepted the Lord!
I love you, my sister! Remember that you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.
ReplyDeleteI shared this with Grace and we both loved it. I love how the crisis and the divine usually show up side-by-side. Thank you my sweet friend. I love you so much!
ReplyDelete-paula