Heart Surgery for ChloBug

Since we found out of the possible LongQT Syndrome in 2009 Chloe's life has changed.  She is not supposed to swim, participate in sports, run, ride bike, participate in gym.  Most of the things that kids do she is not supposed to do.  In school while the rest of her class goes to gym, she attends another music class.  During field days she just walks around.

Friday we went to see the electrophysiologist in Akron, OH.  That is a 3 hour drive from our house! We have decided to go forward with have an ICD (implantable cardioverter-defibrillator).  Within the next 2-3 weeks.  Because she is small, the doctors will go in her stomach and attach it directly to her heart.  After she gets older and bigger it will be placed in her chest.  She will have a scar but it will be small.  She will have to stay overnight possible 2 after the surgery. Recovery is about 2 weeks.  I still have no idea what I will do with George, I am sure it will all work out.


ChloeJace is looking forward to the surgery, the first thing she wants is a bike.  We have talked about the surgery and what it means and what will happen.  As any child would be she is a bit nervous, but still excited to be able to do more normal things.

Brian, is nervous too, he has never had a child go through any type of surgery. Due to the cost he will not be able to take time off during or for the surgery.  That is ok, Chloe and I are pro's at this.  The doctor that did ChloeJace's brain surgery is at the same hospital now, he is on the floor just below the heart doctor..

Cedar Point trip 11

Since July 4th is my favorite holiday, this year we actually did something.  We packed up the car and kids and headed to Cedar Point. 

The car trip was only about an hour and a half. Not Bad!!

First stop was the carousel! Something the whole family could do.

George found lots of rides he could go on.

Some he needed a big person with him.

Some CJ could do.

Some she needed Mom for.

Brian even got to do some.

Oh! and Boom in the sky at Lake Erie!

Day 2 called for the world's biggest snow cone!

Blue Steel!! hehe

But all good things come to an end!

Food, Food, Food

I guess it should be no surprise that I have issues with food, who doesn't! I guess it goes back to my childhood ( what doesn't)?  For a long time I was a vegetarian, my father was not! He was a man like most and MEAT is the only food group.  Not good for a person that doesn't eat any meat (not even fish).  So I went to bed many nights  hungry. There is an old saying that kids will eat when they are hungry.  Not true they will go without instead of eating something that is gross or icky!
So My issue is if it is on my plate, I eat it, if it is left over I eat it.  Their are starving kids and families all over who am I to throw perfectly good food out, when someone is dying this moment from malnutrition. So I eat the food. I also try to have already made foods ready so it is easy to grab and go, or have a quick snack. 

I have noticed that on t.v. most of the people are thin but you see them they are eating junk, and Cheetos! By the way I love Cheetos! (Dear makers of Cheetos if you read this please send me lots of Cheetos. thanks xoxox).  I have looked into Celeb. diets, and I am very surprised at what they eat.  There are lots of natural foods, but also lots of food service orders, personal trainers, and personal chefs, healthy living coaches, ect.  So from what I get the average person should have the average body.

As a woman I look around, and I see woman with better, and worse then I have.  I am not worried about worse, I am worried about better.  I think every woman wants their husband to look at them like they are the only woman EVER! We have been told what to think is sexy and beautiful. So next time you see me if I look like I have a few extra pounds now you know why!

Pick of the week

I love this! It was peppermint and eucalyptus. It refreshes and wakes you up! Lots of essential oils! Can be purchased in Salons.

The First Cut isn't always the deepest!

This post is for my Mom who has been praying for me before I was her child.  And for Mary M. who helped me see that you have to let it go.

Let's just jump right in!
I started cutting myself around the age of 12 or maybe 13. For sure by 13.  I was sad, very depressed.  That is also around the age I started drinking.  I don't remember why or how I first go into it.  I can't tell you about the first time.  Even in High School I would cut myself at school.  My teachers never knew, my Dad never knew.  I also had a tattoo for 2 years before he found out about it!  I wore long sleeves most of the time and when I wore short ones I had a scrunchy at just the right spot as to not show any marks I had at the current time.  I also used other areas of my body, as it was easier to hide.

Like I said I was very sad very depressed.  But most of all I didn't have coping skills, I didn't even know what they were or that I needed any.  I thought I was just a bad seed.  Doomed for ever to walk this Earth trapped in the pain.  The mental pain was soooo much worse then any physical pain at the time.  I am not sure how to explain it unless you have been there before.  You can't get away form your mind and your thoughts, and I was a prisoner of mine.  Although I knew their is/was God, I didn't know him, I just knew of him. I didn't grow up in a home of Bible reading or church on the weekends.  All I knew is that something had to give I needed some kind of release from ME!  So I cut myself....why? because it felt good... how could doing that feel good? it was something I could control,  how much, how deep, how many.

Their are times that I did want to die, be released form the prison of my mind.  Sometimes, it was a close to hell that you could ever be on earth.  And if this was how bad it was on earth I knew I didn't want to go to hell. So I hoped for more of an accidental overdose type of death.

One day, I found out I was pregnant, and I stopped! It has been about 12 years since the last time I cut myself.  The scars are still there some are faded and some will be there till God calls me home.  Just because I stopped, God didn't just hand me coping skills on a platter, I have been to counseling, several times.  But prayer from people that may have been awakened at night to pray and didn't know why or for who, and God granting me is GREAT, WONDERFUL, EVERLASTING, SUFFICIENT....GRACE

From Mayhem to Manna!

To tell you the truth I have not finished reading this book.  But from what I have read this book is a must read!  It is a true story of one woman's life and how God's grace and love brought her to a place of love and healing. In this book Pastor Mary Manna, tells of her childhood through adulthood and the unbelievable journey she has traveled! Mental hospitals, shock treatments, padded cell, etc.  I would love to tell you more, but that is Mary's job!  If you have ever thought you could never be clean, that you where to tarnished, you are not alone. 

 I would like to ask the author, why her?  What is it about her that is more finely tuned. You can see God's grace all over her life.  How can someone be so close to God, yet so very far away. 

Ok so you can get the book at amazon.  www.amazon.com search Pastor Mary Manna. Or from Tate Publishing. Pastor Mary is also on Facebook!
ISBN 978-1-61739-602-1)

Doing things different.

I have chosen to do things a little different with my children,  call me new fashioned!  Since I had ChloeJace back when I was 17 I know that things would be different.  I have never taught my children to buy into all the fake cartoonish aspects of holidays.  She never got gifts from Santa and had been taught that it is fun to pretend and some like to pretend and they use the "Christmas man".

I can still recall how horrible it was to find out that all these BIG people had been lying to me for years. when I found out that Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy I cried and cried, if they would lie about this what eles would they lie about.  I know some of you are thinking it is just for fun and not to take is so seriously. If you are the one being lied to it isn't fun!

The story of Chris Kringle is one that I share with the kids, but he did not live at the North Pole .  In school ChloeJace colored pictures of the North Pole and Elves.  But I have always made it a point to tell her what Christmas is really about.  It leads to some good conversations about why people chose to focus on other things beside the real reason we celebrate these holidays.

During Easter my kids get candy and junk toys the will only play with for a few day. Which reminds me I need to throw out the candy from Christmas!  My children don't get new clothes to wear for Easter!  There have even been a few Easter Sunday's that we don't go to church!  I just have no interest in  not finding a parking spot, not having a place to sit, and being distracted by all the people that want to leave right after communion!  I am glad that the people go, but can't they pick another day? Showing up in your new clothes once a year is fine and all but to the others that go more often you stick out like a sore thumb.  All those that have somewhere they have to go, and feel the need to leave after communion, you do know that you can watch Easter service on T.V!

I have never had ChloeJace say, wow I wish you would have taught me to believe in fake bunnies, and fat men, and people coming to steal my teeth at night when I am asleep.  She has also never told others that it is fake!  Even at her age, she was shocked at how many kids in her class didn't know the real reason for these holidays.

A lot of people will not agree with me, and that is fine.  This is just the way I have chosen to do things. I may have it all wrong! When my children have children of their own they can do it differently. Till then, they will learn the stories from the bible not from fairy tales.