From Mayhem to Manna!

To tell you the truth I have not finished reading this book.  But from what I have read this book is a must read!  It is a true story of one woman's life and how God's grace and love brought her to a place of love and healing. In this book Pastor Mary Manna, tells of her childhood through adulthood and the unbelievable journey she has traveled! Mental hospitals, shock treatments, padded cell, etc.  I would love to tell you more, but that is Mary's job!  If you have ever thought you could never be clean, that you where to tarnished, you are not alone. 

 I would like to ask the author, why her?  What is it about her that is more finely tuned. You can see God's grace all over her life.  How can someone be so close to God, yet so very far away. 

Ok so you can get the book at amazon.  www.amazon.com search Pastor Mary Manna. Or from Tate Publishing. Pastor Mary is also on Facebook!
ISBN 978-1-61739-602-1)

Doing things different.

I have chosen to do things a little different with my children,  call me new fashioned!  Since I had ChloeJace back when I was 17 I know that things would be different.  I have never taught my children to buy into all the fake cartoonish aspects of holidays.  She never got gifts from Santa and had been taught that it is fun to pretend and some like to pretend and they use the "Christmas man".

I can still recall how horrible it was to find out that all these BIG people had been lying to me for years. when I found out that Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy I cried and cried, if they would lie about this what eles would they lie about.  I know some of you are thinking it is just for fun and not to take is so seriously. If you are the one being lied to it isn't fun!

The story of Chris Kringle is one that I share with the kids, but he did not live at the North Pole .  In school ChloeJace colored pictures of the North Pole and Elves.  But I have always made it a point to tell her what Christmas is really about.  It leads to some good conversations about why people chose to focus on other things beside the real reason we celebrate these holidays.

During Easter my kids get candy and junk toys the will only play with for a few day. Which reminds me I need to throw out the candy from Christmas!  My children don't get new clothes to wear for Easter!  There have even been a few Easter Sunday's that we don't go to church!  I just have no interest in  not finding a parking spot, not having a place to sit, and being distracted by all the people that want to leave right after communion!  I am glad that the people go, but can't they pick another day? Showing up in your new clothes once a year is fine and all but to the others that go more often you stick out like a sore thumb.  All those that have somewhere they have to go, and feel the need to leave after communion, you do know that you can watch Easter service on T.V!

I have never had ChloeJace say, wow I wish you would have taught me to believe in fake bunnies, and fat men, and people coming to steal my teeth at night when I am asleep.  She has also never told others that it is fake!  Even at her age, she was shocked at how many kids in her class didn't know the real reason for these holidays.

A lot of people will not agree with me, and that is fine.  This is just the way I have chosen to do things. I may have it all wrong! When my children have children of their own they can do it differently. Till then, they will learn the stories from the bible not from fairy tales.

My Plug of the Week!

Recently I was raking the neighbors yard, when  I got a blister between my thumb and index finger.  In the web part! OUCH!  And the little bubble part that protects it came off too.  So I just had an open sore with all the nerver endings exposed. It kept cracking open and split, at this time I decded to put something on it.  I had Burt's Bees res-q ointment!!! LOOOVVVEE it. I put some on and it soothed it right away, it didn't burn or sting (haha bee sting..get it).  The next morning it even looked better. And if all that wasn't good enough, it doesn't smell like an old persons's medicen cabnet.  It was lavender in it so it smell nice. Also it is 95.7% natural!  Oh! Burt it just gets better!

Forgive

Pretty simple Right?.  We are all familiar with needing forgiveness and giving it too.  But do we really?  I mean.. ok so we ask God for forgiveness daily..right?...or we should...  Then I hear people say well God knows my heart, I don't have to ask he already knows, he knew before I did it that I would need forgiveness.  Besides, God is very busy so why bother him with stuff he already knows.
I know I sometimes will ask someone to forgive me, years after I should have.  Or we let it go unsaid and just pretend nothing ever happened.  As long as nobody is talking about it, I will just move past it.  I don't like those hard conversations either.
We tend to let this part of God's word just to hang out till we want to deal with asking for forgiveness.  Just this week I was at the gym, watching T.V., and on was the story of the man that shot the Amish children in their school.  I know that is old news, but I didn't watch it then because it made me sad to think about.  As I watch this story unfold, I feel the tears coming up and I am trying my best not to break out in uncontrollable sobs.  If you know the story, several of the girls that where shot died, 5 of them!! 5 families lost a child that day!!  The gunman then killed himself. This community then, just a few days, less then a week after this happened they went to the wife of the man that murdered their children and injured more and they FORGAVE that woman for what her husband had done.
Ok, so look at your child, now think about someone killing your child, and you taking the red eye to forgive the family! SAY WHAAAT!!!
It is hard to think of, I have a hard time wrapping my brain around that kind of forgiveness. But, that is how we should do it!  If how we forgive others is how we are forgiven then, I want to look like those Amish families!  Not, like the ohhh well, I am just not ready to forgive yet, let me bring it up a half dozen more times so you can feel like crap about it again, and again,and again.
How do you forgive?

High school/without the musical!

Recently there have been so high school type antics going on!  I found myself in a position that I didn't want to be in.  I want the best for everyone, and I want the whole world to be rainbows and unicorns.  I do know that is just not the way it is.  I also found out that some of my blood relatives think... well, I will just say not too highly of me.  In fact, down right, badly.  That hurt!  And these things seemed to join when,  like I said high school junk!  Guess what your family member said!  I won't go into detail but I have not spoken with either party in about a year.

While all this junk was going on ChloeJace turned to me and said something like "Mom their are starving kids, I am going to collect cans for them."  I was floored, it took me back to reality.  Everyone won't like me, even some that are supposed to love me.  I will not always do the right thing.  But I have to keep a bigger than me prospective.  When I get into my own little problems, and my own little life, I forget about how greatly I am blessed.

God, thank you for using the wisdom of a child to bring me back down.  Thank you for showing me, my hurt feelings are nothing compared to the suffering in this world.  There is a big world outside of high school.  Thank you for giving me a child that has such wisdom and a caring heart that she would at her young age be concerned about things bigger than her.  Lord, make me more like my child, and less childish to get pulled into things that are not of you.

Prepartum depression

No, I am not pregnant, I CAN'T have anymore kids.  I have been struggling with writing about this.  It's kinda embarrassing.  My two pregnancies where very different.  One would think that you would get depressed for being single, living in someones car while pregnant.  Nope, not me!  I was married just moved to a great city (Louisville).  But not too long after moving to L'ville, something changed!  Well, a
lot changed. But something inside changed.  Before I was even due, I would lay in the floor and cry! I know can you imagine a big fat pregnant woman rolling in the floor crying?  I even told my doctor about it.  I guess it was the way I said it but he just laughed and reassured me the baby would be out before long.

He was right, he even moved up my due date by a week.  So when I came home I thought everything (inside) would go back to normal and I would be happy-go-lucky as before.  Not so much, in fact, not at all.  I never wanted to harm my child or myself, I just wanted my life to go away.  It didn't help that George had colic, and I didn't have a friend in a 2 state radius.  So I felt stuck, in a life with this baby that cried 24/7.  I remember  driving around at night, leaving around 10pm and coming home around 6am, so that Brian could sleep.  I was so ashamed that I didn't even talk to Brian about it.  But I have told a few people how I packed George's bag and when Brian got home I was going to go drop him off at the nearest fire station.  As funny as it is, it is very true.  I don't think their is a Mom out there that wants to admit that they ever felt that way about A CHILD, but for it to be your child is worse.  I thought that I was a monster!  Who thinks like that, and actually packs their child's bag!

Somethings I can't explain and pre or post partum depression in one of those.  Even after George got over the colic (18+ months).  I had to deal with the depression state.  He is now 4 and there is not a day that goes by that I am glad I didn't drop him off at the fire station!

Buying Crack for Jesus

I can say that I have never given till it hurts, you know I have never gone without so that someone truly in need could have.  This is as close as I have gotten.  We don't live on a huge budget.  Sometimes I have to save or set aside money for a while to get what I want/need.  shhh! I hide the money in my wallet! I had less the 50 dollars saved but no sure of the amount.

George and I were our running errands yesterday, and there in front of me, in my personal space, was a man that was trying to communicate with me but was deaf.  It was obvious that he needed money, and a bath, among other things.  I did a quick search of my heart, what is this man all about, looking him over I reached into my purse pulled out my wallet and gave.  I gave every dollar I had, I held nothing back.  Which is hard for me, I hoard money away from my husband. Yes I hoard it. Hey at least it is not cats, right?  So each dollar was like my "cat child" that I have been hoarding.  I just let it go!  I almost broke out in a sweat, not because of who I was giving it to but because I had worked so hard at hoarding it.

I know you shouldn't give money, you should give time, you can buy food and bring it.  Bring them clothes shoes, but you should never give money.  whatever  I did it.  I prayed over that money as it was walking away from me. God, I want that money to be used, for good, not for evil. Draw this man near to you, hold him, whisper to him that you love him and you are his father.
Ok, so then it hit me, well maybe, I just gave him enough to buy some crack! AHHH! Who knows I can't go with him to see what he uses it for.  But I don't want to watch the news and hear a story of a man that was given money by people of the community to buy drugs, and now is over dosed and is dead. Another John Doe.  So my prayer quickly took a sharp turn. Lord, if he buys crack (or any other drug) may it be the crack that brings him to you! May he it the bottom, so he can start to climb back up!

I will have to start my hoarding aging.  I was saving to get my oil changed in my car. That is okay. My car can wait, Heaven can't wait, lost souls can't wait!