My Valentine.

When you have as many medical bills as we do, you learn to love when every one is healthy.  ChloeJace will be back at another Children's hospital this week. Wednesday she goes to the pediatric neurosurgeon. She will have her regular MRI. This is done to ensure that the brain tumor is not coming back. We used to have to get this done every six months, then every year. It will be about a 2 hour drive to Akron, OH. We have the MRI at 9:15am. It takes about 30 -45 mins. of preparation, then an hour in the machine. Followed by another 45 mins. of recovery. After that we will see the doctor that will be around 1pm.  You  know how it is you never get in and out on schedule.


Then in 2 more weeks ChloeJace will be at The Cleveland Clinic. This is another children's hospital, this one is in Cleveland, OH, another 2-3 hours away. At The Cleveland Clinic she will see her pediatric electrophysiology. This is her heart doctor. We will get there and she will have an EKG done, then we will see the doctor. This one is a bit more easy, they just ask a lot of questions. Then we get our prescription for 6 more months of beta blockers, and if anything needs to be done, that means that ChloeJace will have to wear a monitor for a period of time then send it back. She has wore an event monitor 2 times and, this monitor is on for about a month.  ChloeJace has also wore a holter monitor, this monitor is wore for 24 hours. I think she has wore this kind of monitor 4 times.


As you can imagine one condition is made a little hard to treat because of the other, then you throw in the allergies and asthma, and we have several long days a year. My favorite part, is that it is our time. The car rides and the waiting to be seen by the doctor gives us lots of time to be mommy and daughter. Everyday life is so busy, it gets harder to stop and just talk about nothing, or everything together. I can think of a million ways to spend a day or two with ChloeJace,  and it doesn't include going to or from a hospital. You see, these are my Valentines days and if you were to ask ChloeJace she would say the same. If your Valentines day is February 14 or, or the Sunday afternoon when everything is calm and quite, enjoy it and embrace the time you have. It doesn't have to include gifts, or going out, it is what you make it.


Brian and I do not go out we do not exchange gifts on Valentines day, we know that our love can be celebrated any day. ChloeJace and I already have to special dates coming up, and for that I am thankful.

Cheers

In a recent post I mentioned that when I was 11 I was drinking adult beverages. Well, that is not completely true. Some of my most early memories are of me drinking.  You see my father would have parties and I would go around when no one was looking and I would take drinks.  Or the kids would dance around the keg and take turns drinking.  I don't ever remember being drunk or getting wasted. But then I again I was only around 4 or 5 and it is hard to remember everything.

I would get into trouble when I was caught. That didn't stop me. I also think there are a lot of others out there like me. Or I could be way off. By the time I was 11 it was easier for me. I had a brother and sister that were both older and they had older friends. Not that it was hard for my friends and I to get our own. You don't want to know how easy it was for young kids to get booze in a dry county, with a christian college. But it was!

Just keep in mind that my blogs are not a woohoo, or a list of things to do. I just recognize that I have done a lot of things wrong. I know there are more people out there like me, that are searching in  faces and in places. But have not yet looked to Jesus. This might not be your story. Yours may be different. Just know that I am praying for you. I don't need to know your name, I know your pain. I will continue to pray for you.

Happy Heart Month

I am very excited, found out today that I have been accepted to start a new SCAA  (Sudden Cardiac Arrest Assc.) chapter. I probably should be a little more nervous, I have never started a chapter of any kind, except for books. I do know I have a lot of work ahead of me. Just knowing that I can get information out, and AED's where need is awesome!! I signed and mailed the agreement today, so I still have a week or so before the work begins.

SCAA is a non-profit organization and the chapter will be a 501C-3. All donations are tax deductible, we also accept gift "in-kind".  I will have help with the start up through SCAA. But I am more than happy to accept any donations or in-kind to help the chapter get going. For the name of the chapter I was thinking Heart of America, Ohio is kinda the heart of  America. It plays a big part in the presidential races.

If you cannot donate, please pray for the chapter. There are people out there that are walking around with heart conditions that don't know it. I cannot tell you the loneliness I felt when we got our diagnosis finding other like ChloeJace is hard. That also makes finding mother going through it with their children. This isn't just a condition for young people older people can have it too. Pray that we reach the people that feel they are all alone in this diagnosis, that we are able to save lives.

Show Love

This is the month of LOVE, and is heart month. I can't think of a better way to say I love you then to do something bigger than me. I think there are lots of people out there like me, well not just like me, if you read my blog you won't want to be anything like me.  What I mean is that, I have lots of stuff and sure would like more stuff, but it is just stuff and does not make me full, it just keeps me wanting more meaning less junk.

Here are two different families that are doing something  more. Something bigger than them self.
Joe and Brandi Cash, they are in the process of following God to Africa to adopt a child. Here is her blog, they are selling shirts, and coffee to help raise money. That is a lot of coffee and shirts. Oh did I mention they also had a yard sale. Yes, the sold their stuff. Will you help them bring a child home?

• http://www.justlovecoffee.com/TheCashs
• http://crazycashclan.blogspot.com/
•  

Also there is The Wills,
Bobby and Paula, these two have sold everything they had to their name. Followed God to Thailand. Can you imagine leaving everything you have ever known to follow God. Most of us won't leave our home town! The are living God's work.
1) Commit to pray for the Wills and for the mission God has called them to in Thailand.
2) Commit to give of your financial resources for the mission God had called the Wills to in Thailand. You can do this by going to the website for United World Mission at United World Mission and click on donate online.
3) You can host a dessert part for the Wills and help them tell more people about this mission to Thailand. The more people that hear, the more that join their team of prayer and financial supporters. This is a simple event to host, no hassles and a lot of fun.
4) You can let the Wills know of people you think would like to hear about this mission. The more we work together the larger the work force grows and we can reach the lost people of Thailand quicker.  You can reach the Wills via email at: Paula and Bobby
5) You can tell your small group, Sunday school class, UMW group at church, your discipleship group or your children’s groups and homeschool groups about this mission God has called the Wills to and perhaps your group can adopt them as your missionary family. This is educational for everyone and gets all people involved in the Great Commission when we work together.
THANK YOU!

Busy Week.

This past week has been a busy week. Last Monday I revived ChloeJace's AED (automated external defibrillator) in the mail.  This has been an ongoing process since August of 2010.  The day finally came and it was here.  However I wasn't prepared for the emotions that came with it. I have used an AED before, so I am not a stranger to the machine. But the thought that this was for My child, someday it could save her life. I can't help but pray that this machine is a waste of money and time for everyone involved.

The day the AED came, was perfect timing. ChloeJace had her first quiz bowl, and her teacher is not yet CPR certified. George and I were able to go and support ChloeJace and carry around this machine, so that she was able to attend. She did wonderful. This is her third year being in quiz bowl, for most of the kids it is there first year, for others it is their second. The most wonderful thing is being able to see my child, getting to be a child. Long QT syndrome has taken away so much of her child hood.

Later this week we were able to go to Cincinnati Children's Hospital and participate in a sleep study for LQTS. We made the 2.5 hour drive to the hospital. That was another thing I thought I was prepared for but was not. One thing that ChloeJace has not has is a sleep study. The respiratory therapist began the hour long process of putting the electrodes on ChloeJace, and a 12 lead EKG, pulse ox, ect. What we were doing was to help others that have LQTS. Certain types are more prone to suffering sudden cardiac arrest in their sleep. When that happens you don't wake up. I could tell with all the wires on that ChloeJace was scared, I was scared. In her life she has been in the hospital so much! Although scary I was happy that even at the age of 11, she was doing something that could help save others. At her age I started drinking, so to see her do such a selfless thing was wonderful.

I know God has a perfect plan for her life, I can't wait to see where she is in 11 more years

First Rodeo

OK, so not a rodeo, more like a roller coaster. Let me just say that I like most people went into my first marriage with the best of intentions.  I was a little misled.  My goal after having ChloeJace, at 17 was to then make sure I found her the best father I could.  ChloeJace's dad was not in her life. And not the kind of not in her life that, the father lives down the road and only comes to see the child when he wants.  What I mean is not at all. He did come to see her once when she was just a few weeks old. He never even called! Not even once. So I had a job, a goal! To make my broken family into a real family. I will refer to my ex husband as (Mr.)
I met Mr. when I was pregnant with ChloeJace. He had asked me out a few times, but he asked out everyone, that and he was older then me and it kinda freaked me out.  I had ChloeJace on Mr.'s birthday and Mr. helped me out by giving me a job washing dishes. One day Mr. asked me out again, and I said sure. My thought process at the time was that it would be practice, practice leaving my child.  Mr. was really good   GREAT with ChloeJace. Mr. was someone I could put up with, we worked together after all, and he had real love for my child.  Even at that age I knew that you don't get that all the time. Dads all over don't care for their own children as much as Mr. cared for ChloeJace.
So we made plans for a wedding. I wasn't that much into it because growing up I wasn't one of those girls that dream about my wedding day. I wanted something private and simple, I thought a Disney Cruise would be perfect. Mr. thought that if we did something like that I would regret it. So we had a guest list of over 400 people. My list had 10 people on it. I think Rose from Titanic said it best when she said she felt as though she was in the middle of a room screaming and nobody could hear, the inertia of my life plunging forward and me powerless to stop it. I wasn't powerless though, I thought that was the sacrifice I must make for my child.  After all I owed to my child my life. Mr. was not a bad or mean man, and I loved him...like I love my friends, or my pet goldfish. Little did I know that at that time (the day of our wedding) our bridal party was making bets on if either of us would actually go through with it and how long it would last.
Less than 3 months into it, it was over. He came home one night. A home we had just moved into that we were planning on buying, a home that he had gone out and bought all new furniture for. Some friends of ours didn't understand why I was not happy about him going out without my knowledge and coming back with all new furniture. Mr. came home one night grabbed a duffel bag filled it up and left. On his way out he told me he was leaving...leaving me...leaving the child that he loved so dear. He returned 3 days later with divorce papers without protest I signed them. My dress was not back from the cleaners yet! We still had gifts to go through.
He then closed the business where we worked, took or sold what he wanted and left. I could not pay the rent since I didn't have a job. I was left to pick up the pieces of what he broke. At the time we got married just weeks before, I was unaware that he was addicted to gambling and pornography. He made no attempt to stop or control rumors about what had happened. I didn't even know what had happened. He even feed into the rumors to keep the focus off himself. He didn't want to be outted for what he was. I also know that I am not the victim we married knowing we were not in love. That is my fault. The only good thing Mr. ever did was leave me. Without the presence of physical abuse I would have stayed forever!
Divorce seems to be everywhere. I hear all the time of people that were in love that are now in the process divorcing.  I know God does not approve of divorce.
 Mathew 5:33 Again, you have heard that if it was said the the people long ago, Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.

I am sharing this not to just tell my side of the story because I could go on for pages. I thought that I was doing the right thing. I thought that I was to sacrifice for my child. I allowed the guilt of not having a father for my child allow me to make a bad choice. Everyday we have choices. I did not seek wisdom, I did not turn to God an allow him to show me the way. When we make choices based on emotion we are just reacting. My prayer for my readers is that you don't allow guilt, fear,or your own agendas guide your decision making. Just because the intentions are good.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

If We Are the Body?

Recently I have been looking for a home church.  I have been thinking of past churches and communities that we have been in. Each one being very different from the last, this would be the most different. It has made me think "what is church" what is community" "what is it to be the body of Christ"??? I don't know if this will go over well with my reader(s), but here is what I have come up with.  Let me just say that most of this is a reflection inside of me things that I know I am guilty of.

When we say we are the body of Christ, it seems to me that we are under our own church roof.  We set up and establish programs for the church ( which is good I am not knocking that at all).  Programs like Youth Ministry, but we only reach out to the youth in our church.  We also have a person set aside to go to the hospital and pray for people, most of the time only it is if someone from our church is in the hospital or someone from the church has asked us to see a friend or relative.  I have been to the hospital to many times and know that there are always floors of people that are there not to mention they people that work there. Who is reaching out to them? I know there is a Chaplin but, if we are the body why aren't we moving, why are we putting it off on others. Why do we care if there is rejection from someone. Why are we not trying to reach out. We have all kinds of ministries but we only seem to reach out to those that reach to us first.

We say we are a community, but when was the last time that churches in a community came together to do something for the community. We all stick with just our home church, those people and those functions. Sure we invite people to go to church. But it is ussaly to our church. There are plenty of churches, does it really matter what church they go to? Isn't the goal not to grow our church but to grow the body of Christ? Yet I have never heard, nor have I asked someone what church they might want to go to. I stick with my comfort zone. After all what would people say if I was seen at the church across town!?

When we have someone that is not a "friend" yet we know them and talk to them.  We don't talk to them about Christ because we don't know how they feel about it, we aren't that close to them so we just don't go there. Aren't these the people we need to be reaching out to?

What is it to be a christian and call ourselves the body of Christ if we only stick together, if we only do what we are comfortable with. Why are we not taking chances? Is our faith really that small that, we don't think God can use us outside of our church? When was the last time you saw a new face at church, did you talk to them did you interact with them? Have we ever dared to take someone to church other than our own?

If you read my blogs, you will know that I am a sinner, I have issues with vanity, I can be a failure, I mess up. One thing I don't want to do is turn people off to Christ because, I say I am part of the body of Christ, that I strive for a better community, but only when I feel comfortable doing so.